This is probably the type of post that somewhat out of depression, that I hope you won't bite too hard. Also, probably, you've ever read my posts but never really know the writer behind all these random ramblings. I mean, yes, it's Ruth, but my point is to know me physically.
Let me start by saying that I'm around 155 centimeters and 40 kilograms (if you're unsure, by all means convert them yourself). Not only skinny, I'm also short. So it's like someone in her 20s, but trapped in her small teenage body. To be exact, there's nothing interesting from my body posture, because I'm that flat. Before I hit puberty and have the chest of a woman, you would have thought that I was just a teenager with anorexia. I looked so bony and skinny as f@#k that I even despised what I saw whenever I looked in the mirror and stopped caring about what to wear (just because I thought that no matter what I wear, I would still be ugly).
But, no, I've never had any eating disorder. I'm in no way or shape to eat less than the average person and in fact, now I've become a person who eats a lot. A plate full of batagor after a big lunch? Randomly bought pizza just because I was too sleepy to work and needed to munch something? One bowl of chicken porridge for brunch despite already having fried rice for breakfast? "Yes" to all. However, still my bones are all looking like they're gonna poke out my skin. Even if I possibly put on any weight, I'm almost sure it would all just go on my chest and my face (bigger bust always be an indicator for me that I've finally gained a few weight).
I often whined about this to my mom, who once considerately concerned about that and ended up able to answer that. Mom said that it seemed like I have a high metabolism (thanks to my parents), which allows my body to burn calories and fat at some stupid fast rate. It means that I am basically impossible to put on weight and let alone maintain it. For those of you who are too lazy to even Google it, metabolism is a chemical reaction that maintains anything related to our living body, including digestion.
Maybe now many of you who's been thinking that "fat" is an underrated word would be like, "Wow, I would definitely love to have a high metabolism to burn all my fat in here and there...", while pointing on your hips, upper arms, chubby cheeks, and else where fats you've been exaggeratedly thinking have ruined your appearance. Let me tell you this: it does not have a happy ending.
I've been going through a tough time by being a skinny bean pole in my whole life, both on the way I saw myself and the way others saw me. Most people often hear about larger people are the ones who always get bullied or get so insecure about themselves. Well, I've been going through those craps my whole life. My classmates were calling me names when I was in primary school. Normal-sized outfits tend to be over-sized on me, while slim-fit outfits would just highlight my underweight posture. Most people often hear about larger people having a hard time to lose weight, but nobody ever really think about how skinny people can go through as hard trying to put it on.
"You're too skinny!", "You need to seriously put some weight on", "Are you okay?", "Kurusan, deh" (like, seriously?), etc. Those comments were all often being said to me and always got me bored, yet they keep sound upsetting. You may probably expect those comments from some bullies back in school. Those actually come from my family and people I don't know. Family gatherings had become one thing that I tend to avoid attending, just because I'd hate some family members who would approach me and said crappy things like that. And, yes, it's totally strange to have a person that I don't know say things like, "I think you're too skinny. You have eating disorder, don't you?". Like, wow, it even astonishes me.
I mean, how does it become "okay" to say things like that to someone that they don't really know? What if the situation is reversed: I have a noticeably larger body than the average person. Would they still think it's okay to say things like, "You're too fat!", "You need to seriously lose some weights", etc? I bet they just wouldn't. Because it becomes stereotypical that it's insulting to say someone who has larger body "fat", while it's apparently acceptable to highlight how skinny is an underweight person. And a lot of people think that to say someone's "too skinny" is just being concerned about one's health. So, does it mean saying someone's "fat" would also be considered the same? No, it's just basically insulting and upsetting.
So apparently, you don't have to be fat to be a victim of body-shaming. Someone ever told me that the world is actually more socially acceptable for skinny people than for those who have larger body, and that people has been brainwashed to think that it's good to have skinny body. But from my personal experience, being skinny is never that socially acceptable. Like, having said that I'm malnourished while you're eating like crazy? Being seen like a pathetic person with eating disorder or anorexia? Even if it's being underweight, still it's as wrong as being overweight.
And on which part that being skinny is "good"? To the point where "skinny" means "super models"? Because I've been skinny my whole life and people have never said anything good like that, except some pointless and envious comments like, "I wish I can be as skinny as you so that I can eat a lot". No, you must understand that every time I eat a lot, I feel sad because it just does nothing to my body. I've dedicated so much money for more meals and bigger portions, weight-gaining diet programs, and etc, but nothing happened.
Now, despite still being irritated with all the comments and sad for not being able to gain weight, I always try to see the positive. At least I can eat anything without being concerned about anything (I think being picky with food just makes no sense). I know my metabolism probably won't stay like this forever and all the rubbish food I've eaten for decades will catch up with me. But, I just wanna be happy about myself and being skinny.
Moral of the story, shaming anybody's weight—skinny or fat—is just simply wrong. Why should you judge a person based on his/her body or how he/she looks like, without knowing his/her life? People should have a little more understanding for every person who feels comfortable and confident in their own skin. Giving compliments by all means never goes wrong and definitely the best thing everyone can do to each other instead of giving insecurity. And through all those s#!ts I've been, this is what I wanna say: be grateful of how you've been this far. If you're already happy with the rest of your life, then don't bother yourself to give a damn about other's opinion on your body. But if working it out will make you happier, then that's just fine because being happy is all that matters.